All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
Lord Frith, god of the sun, to El-ahrairah, Watership Down (Adams, 1972)
When I was very young, my mother would routinely sing me to sleep. I got my singing voice from her- my father and older brother can’t sing if their lives depended on it- and it was she who taught me the basics. There’s one lullaby in particular she would sing more than the rest, a simple song with the following lyrics:
Baby bunny, baby bunny
Hopping down the lane
Hopping down the lane
You’re my baby bunny
And it may seem funny
But I love you, yes it’s trueBaby bunny, baby bunny
Hopping down the lane
Hopping down the lane
You’re my baby bunny
And it may seem funny
But I love you, do you love me too?(Repeat as needed)
My mother, probably some time around 2001
I was small and frail, shorter than average and chronically underweight for much of my childhood, and the most unathletic of my peers. One of the things people who knew me then comment on when I run into them is how I turned into a 6′ 5″ (196 commiemeters) giant built like a tank. But back then I was a small critter scurrying about alone in the shadows, in fear of biting jaws and catching claws. I had few friends, arguably none, but I had my books to keep me company. Unfortunately, helplessness was something I became well-acquainted with.
One of the people who tolerated me as a kid sat next to me on the bus. I doubt they read this blog, but they will be kept anonymous (I haven’t talked with them in many years, I hope they’re doing well). They were a grade above me. One thing that’s stuck with me in the decade since is a comment they made before a brief falling out (as is to be expected of young teenagers), although I admit I’ve forgotten the exact phrasing. Something to the effect of: “you will always be nothing but a little rabbit, Justin, in fear of wolves”. (Did I mention they were super into wolves?) Looking back, that quote rings surprisingly true. Even now, when I rationally have little to fear, my default instinct in almost any scenario is to panic. In a less psychological sense, my movements are rather jittery for someone of my size and build, my eyes always darting around scanning for dangers.
In other words, I’m Big Chungus.
Sierpinski Tetrahedron 