That’s right, there’s another post today. I haven’t been having a good time. In fact, it’s been quite bad. I can’t shake the feeling that I ruined the dynamic of my friend group? And I’m not trying to be catastrophic either, but things just haven’t been the same since Kerry and I really broke it off (as in, I’m not even sure if we’re friends anymore with the space we’re taking). I’m not as bad at reading the room as I seem sometimes, the dynamic is just off and I’m not sure what the solution is. I don’t want to lose my friends, but I met them all through Kerry and… well, Kerry and I haven’t been a thing since New Year’s. Plus, if I post in the GC, then it’s like I’m claiming that space for me at Kerry’s expense? And that’s not fair for Kerry.
I don’t know what to do. I wrote some poems shortly before Crim but I’m not gonna share those here because people have started reading this piece of trash and it would be unbecoming to turn this website into more of a pity party than it already is. Crim was rougher than I was expecting, I related the death of one of my cousins during our discussion on the War on Drugs. He died when I was in high school, and there was a generation gap, but it still feels wrong that he’s gone. It devastated Aunt Tess when he died.
It started to drizzle when I walked back to Anova. I have my work cut out for me, this weekend. But I can’t stop thinking about everything and everyone I’ve lost, by the Reaper or just by time marching onwards. Maybe some things can’t last. Maybe it’s inevitable. Maybe there’s nothing I can do and there’s no sense worrying about it or mourning it. But that doesn’t make loss of any kind any less painful.
I miss Kerry, I miss my friends, I miss my cousin, and my grandmother, and everything that’s slipped away or fallen apart. I miss it so much, words fail me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know.
Sierpinski Tetrahedron 