Actually, it might be more accurate to say that I’m up several creeks simultaneously, but still lack a paddle for any of them.
The semester continues, somehow it’s March. The days lengthen, the weather gets warmer and warmer, and finals will creep up on me only to smack me in the back of the head when I’m not expecting. Despite having been a law student for several months, it is apparent to me that I haven’t the faintest idea of what I ought to be doing. Or rather, I know what to do in a very immediate sense, I know what assignments are due and when, and what events I’ll be attending on a day-by-day basis, etc. I also have a near-future goal (getting a good opportunity for 1L Summer) and a far-future goal (passing the Bar and becoming an honest-to-God lawyer), but it’s the intermediate steps that are giving me the most grief. I feel I’m constantly improvising and never actually getting close to those goals because I don’t know if I’m moving forward or backward. Really, I’m baffled I managed to get my way into Kline at all. Maybe that’s imposter syndrome, or maybe I really did manage to bluff my way past the Admissions Committee. Hopefully, “blathering through my teeth” is a good transferable skill.
Yet again, I neglect self-care. Meaningful self-care, I should say. I feel tense all over, like my body’s been under siege for months with no end in sight. I have a splitting headache today, which is probably related to the overwhelming feelings of panic and dread I’m experiencing right now. I’m not sure if I need more caffeine or less, because it’s a fine line I walk between locking in and tweaking out. And if I’m not locking, I’m lacking. My sleep last night was excessive, likely to compensate for its poor quality. I woke up at a reasonable time, mind you, the problem is that I went to bed much earlier than normal. I kept waking up every hour or so.
I had plenty of dreams, some normal and some Strange™. One of the later ones had a good worldbuilding idea for my post-apocalyptic project, and I have a post drafted based on it, but, as usual with my worldbuilding posts, I probably won’t share it. I know myself. I’ll just edit it until I get bored and put it on the back burner. Many such cases!
I need a new notebook; I ran out of space, and I take better notes with a pen and paper. We watched a mock Moot Court today in Legal Methods to demonstrate to us the art of oral argument, and I have LegReg in half an hour, in person this time (thank God). Afterwards, NLG is screening a movie on the pardon process and hosting a Q&A with the director, so I’m excited for that. I’m gonna MC the Bingo fundraiser next week, like I did last semester, since everyone loved it. Truth be told, I’m my own biggest critic, and I’m just hoping I don’t sabotage myself. Many such self-fulfilling prophecies, unfortunately!
Sierpinski Tetrahedron 