Taking a break from the #grind, I’m sitting in the LRC. It’s quiet; most people have left for the day, and the sky darkens. I’m simultaneously chilly and roasting, both probably from the caffeine. I have concepts of a plan, as before, and if need be, I’ll pull an all-nighter. I need to get this done.
My thoughts have been turning back to her recently.
I can definitely live without her (not like I have much of a choice, lol), but I do miss her. I’m not mad at her, certainly I don’t hate her. I still love her, in that I want only the best for her, and to some extent, I’m still in love with her? I think it’ll be that way for a while.
I’m grateful for the memories we made and for having her in my life, even if it was only for a while. I hope she knows how wonderful she was, and is, and will be, and how beautiful she is inside and out. I hope she knows that she matters and is loved. And even when she’s sad, she’s loved, and even when she’s mad, she’s loved, and that it’s okay to feel sad and angry and scared and tired, and that feeling those things is part of being human, and doesn’t make her any less valued or any less beautiful or any less worthy.
I wish I could tell her these things directly, but I can’t. I wish I could be there for her in some tangible way, however she’s feeling, but I can’t. I don’t owe her anything, mind you; she’s not in my life, and that’s okay. I don’t have to, but I want to care, and I do.
Sierpinski Tetrahedron 